WE HAVE WAYS OF MAKING YOU TALK!
written by Mark Sutherland
photo by Stefan DeBatselier
transcribed by Vu

Ed Borrie of S*M*A*S*H

IN THE FIRST OF A NEW SERIES, ED S*M*A*S*H BRAVES THE NME INQUISITION TO ANSWER ALL THOSE NASTY QUESTIONS WE'RE NORMALLY FAR TOO POLITE TO ASK.

S*M*A*S*H are a bunch of pub rock ex-baggies got lucky by punking up just in time for the New Wave of New Wave bandwagon. Discuss.

"Well, sometimes I think that we are one inch away from being pub rock band, but that inch is crucial. We've just got that certain little sparkle that makes us a bit different. As for the baggy thing, we probably were baggy once - but that was well before the mass media (Eh?-Ed) discovered us. It wasn't like we just happened to go punky at the right time, the New Wave of New Wave had been brewing for a while. We did a bit to encourage the tag by dyeing our hair, but while we may have been punks in attitude, in no way were we reminiscent of '77.

"Like, Green Day are punks: they wear green ties with orange shirts and dye their hair, but they're American so it's alright. But when we were supposedly punks it wasn't alright. But I'm not bitter - I'm glad we don't have to carry on like that. We've got a lot of space to do what we want."

WHY DID YOU LET THESE ANIMAL MEN STEAL YOUR NWONW THUNDER?
"We didn't. I think we're about evens, we've both soldiered on. Sales figures for the two of us are about the same. I think we might've been overtaken by the likes of Shed Seven and Gene, but we won't suffer later on like they will with that Smithsy stance. When we were in Europe with Corrosion of Conformity, everyone wanted to know why we weren't touing with the Men and y'know, it wouldn't be a bad idea. We wouldn't do it in Britain, obviously, but there's a little offer for us to work together again. We've learnt a bit from them, I admit. They're a good band."

WITH YOUR LYRICS, WHY DO YOU A) TRY AND CRAM AS MANY WORDS AS POSSIBLE INTO ONE LINE AND B) PURSUE THE RHYME SCHEME SO SLAVISHLY THAT YOU END UP WITH FARRAGOES OF THE "MACHIAVELLI/TELLY" AND "GILL SHERPHERD/UNEMPLOYMENT RECORD" VARIETY?
"(Perplexed) Do I do that? Too many words? I guess I've just got a lot to say. I disagree with that 'slave to the rhyme' thing, it's all been done specifically and on purpose. I was delight with that "Gill Shepherd's got an appalling unemployment record" line, I thought it was brilliant. And that Machiavelli line is totally in context in the song ("Time").

ISN'T IT A BIT NAÏVE TO BELIEVE THAT ROCK 'N'ROLL CAN EVER CHANGE ANYTHING?
"Yeah, I am naïve enough to believe that. Obviously, S*M*A*S*H haven't brought down the government or anything, but we have sparkled a few people's lives and we know that for a fact. There's a lot of mid-20s blokes out there who'd settled down and thought the rest of their life was going to be about mortgages and kids. Then they came to one of our gigs, got fired up, made a change and reinvested in their own lives.

"Our pop has made change. I think we've influenced a lot of bands as well: 60ft Dolls, Elastica a bit, I think we even made the Manics think harder. Anyway, naïve is beautiful. If I die naïve, I'll die happy."

HOW GUTTED WERE YOU BY THE COMMERICIAL FAILURE OF YOUR ALBUM, 'SELF-ABUSED'?
"I'm not disappointed with how many it's sold - about 30,000 copies worldwide. Our deal with Hi-Rise isn't about making a debut album that went to Number One, it's more about making a third album that gets there. Anyway, if it had gone straight to Number One we'd have been crucified and we'd have been right up shit for creek for the next one. We're taking it steady. And you've got to remember that a lot of people haven't heard S*M*A*S*H yet.

"We played Norwich a while back and a load of travelers came along and said they were big S*M*A*S*H fans and I was well proud of that. I'm still really proud of 'Self-Abused' and I'm sure it will sell eventually. It was probably just bottom of everyone's list. You've got to remember that 'Bleach' sold squat until 'Nevermind' came along. We'll build up to a million seller, don't you worry."

SURELY, IF YOU WERE A TRUE REVOLUTIONARY YOU'D BE MAKING TECHNO RECORDS? AFTER ALL, NO 14-YEAR-OLD IS GOING TO BOTHER LISTEN TO A GUITAR BAND.
"That's a total load of bollocks, really. We have an awful lot of underage kids coming to our gigs. We've had nine-year-olds at some of our matinee gigs, some people bring their kids along with 'em! Actually, one gig we did in Wales was packed with teenagers and I went up to a group of 'em and said, 'You do know that, theoretically, you're not supposed to like us?' They were quoting lyrics and going mental down the front and everything.

"There is a place for techno music and there's a place for us. We've been using technology, drum machines and loops and stuff, but you can't put a soul in them. We were trying to make a drum machine erratic, to put some flaws in there, but what's the point? I've got an erratic drummer who can do it spontaneously. Anyway, think radical sentiments tend to get missed by radical technology. They'd rather have some hot-panted chick singing, "Free your mind". A lot of more people have got a reaction from seeing us on stage sweating. That's far more inspirational than blip blip blop."

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO CRACK AMERICA THOUGH, ARE YOU?
"I disagree. I wonder if people who say we won't said the same about the Manics, Suede and Blur? None of those bands are big in American, but S*M*A*S*H will be.

"I always knew our music would cross over there, but the way it did when we went there last year was even better than I'd imagined. They're really took us to their hearts and everyone was asking us to go back. We were usually supporting and we had no publicity, but we're prepared to start at step one over there. We know we've got to tour for five months minimum and that's what we're going to do. The only thing that might stop us is lack of finance. But if we get the opportunity to work as hard as we want to, we will be in America. No question."

ISN'T IT IRRESPONSIBLE TO RECOMMEND THE MURDER OF TORY MPS WHEN YOU'D NEVER ACTUALLY PURSUE SUCH ACTION YOURSELF?
"(Shrugs) Yeah. But even when we hired a hand grenade, Kalashnikov and Colt 45 for that photo session, we were very careful to only ever point them at me.

'Kill Somebody' already contains the hypocrisy of being a pacfist and in the video, as well as hanging Thatcher and Major we also hanged me, just to put an even keel on it.

"What if one of our fans actually killed Virginia Bottomley and said we told him to do it? Well, the first thing we'd do is call the lawyers who got Judas Priest off! But I can see the country rioting over something like that, 'cos we'd steam in on his defence and try and have it down as a mercy killing. Our defence would be, we'd kill her to stop her killing innocent children by closing hospitals. If we lost in Britain, we'd win in the European Court of Human Rights, definitely. The bitch is a witch."

AREN'T YOU A BIT OLD FOR ALL THIS?
"(Smiles) Slow starters, maybe. We've been playing in a band for nine years and we only got a record deal in the last year. But our music is very now, the lyrics are topical and I don't think your age matters when you're like that. When we're on stage, you wouldn't know how old we are anyway. We could've lied, but we didn't bother. Most techno artists are aged over 30 and they're making 12-year-olds rock. We put ourselves on a stage and hopefully give people the inspiration to think, "I could do that," or even, 'I could do that better'.

"We've been cathartic for a lot of people. And so many people have come to me and said that 'Real Surreal' and 'Revisited' helped them out when they were thinking about suicide. That means I've saved somebody's life. That's amazing, whatever age you are."

Ed S*M*A*S*H was being accused by Mark Sutherland.